I think I look cute in pigtails... no?

well... certainly... my pigtails tied to complement my vietnamese costume for my church's fifteenth anniversary provided some comic relief... I think! I looked absolutely divine (in a case of not looking my age)... and the 'jasmine trias' imitation of a pink flower in my hair the following day in church service made smiles all around... sometimes, I wonder if it isn't a bad idea to think of all possible weird things I can do to myself to make people smile... least it would make their day... (even if that means it doesn't make mine.. *grin*) watched shrek 2... absolutely a reminder of subtle discrimination and intimidation we get from our everyday happenings that influence our thinking and actions... in a more teeny bopperish tone... "love's so sweet when you look into each others' eyes and only have eyes for the other, no matter how hideous the other looks..."

I've literally been around the world!

and I'm not proud to say that... not exactly though... suppose everyone would have known about uni applications and all, and i dare say that everytime any of these important stuff comes into my life, I decided know the end result before anything comes in... so it didn't come as a surprise that I didn't get into medicine nor bioengineering... and I got into business ad. The most frustrating thing of it all? I know of people with my grades or worse getting into these faculties, but I just didn't get in. I think it is divine intervention. Maybe, I should say that I believe so already. You can't not believe when you have God's choice smacked right into your face... why I am so certain about it? Well, actually after lots of prayer, I had known that business ad was God's choice, but I chose to ignore it because 'it's just a general degree'... and along with all my father saying about the technicalities... I chose to make the wrong choice... but God has been sovereign... and not to mention, omnipotent enough to force his way through my little head and show me who's boss here... so... literally... I've been around the world... and it wasn't fun at all.. it's disappointing... but oh well... nothing like this should get me down, I've had ample warning anyway... it's my own fault, really...

the past week's been crammed with lots of tuition, which isn't druggery, by the way... I love being with my students and I hope they love me back as much... if not, twice as much... ;P and driving! been more confident on the road and I guess as much that practice makes perfect. I no longer ask my instructors to buy more insurance on top of having three or more already... *laugh* they always grin rather uncomfortably when I say that though... maybe there's some degree of genuinity in that message I brought across...

today's performance day for my church's fifteenth anniversary... had been doing some stuff here and there of decorating.... (well, does two pieces of cardboard count?) and singing rehearsals... which had been really stressing at times, due to time constrains... but who can say it's anyone's fault? we all worked hard... and by God's grace, today will be good... ")

got to go for Girls' Brigade now... why... my whole life's so packed... I need sobriety in the face of busyness sometimes...

alert!

will not be frequently blogging here as much as the internet virus scare is still rather predominant... and it's been doing a good work of wrecking many pcs already... the past few days have been great, going out more often than not and hanging out with my jc friends as well as church friends... crawled out of my mental intraverted 'cell' and started to rediscover me as the talkative and really extreme sort of person again... it's nice being me again, but it isn't nice sometimes... too insensitive and I can't help but gape at the sprawling amount of words I can use on some 'selected' few and unfortunately.... they dun have a choice of not knowing nor hearing... ;P I'm mean, I know... to put it bluntly and blatantly... sometimes I'm evil... everyone else is... just feeling really heckish (some word I invented) recently and just running all over the place meeting up with people... my mom isn't too big a fan on that... guess moms just want their sweet little daughters to stay by their side as long as possible... but seriously... I'm not 'sweet' and I think that I may be too independent for my own good... but that's just me...

Quote of day: If I cannot convince people about the person I am... who am I to demand that they accept me as me? ")

quote of day two: God uses the perfect way to teach wisdom: use our imperfections in any situation

A mundane day was all it was? not so...

it was not so a mundane day... but almost... ;P gave tuition and went for final theory lesson 3 4 which knocked me over in fatigue... and was simply exhaustion. I had better get used to it actually, cause uni wouldn't be so forgiving... I need 'study stamina', if you can call it that way... morning was dedicated to some exercise which kicked the last bit of complain out of me. I seem to become more cheerful in exercising... perhaps it's because I take things out in games and the machines? good thing they're things, not feeling creatures... I think if I had a dog... I'd even walk it to exhaustion when trying to get things off my chest or something... which wouldn't please the spca at alll... oh no. I think I can't help thinking so much about everything, much as uncomfortable as it can be and seem... my friends still can't get over it... cause I'm the sort to say everything out... but thinking means silence... and it's not me... ???

to say all that I have to say, in thinking, I've created my own collection of poems... I love writing them... another interest that I can indulge in right now in the midst of lots of spare time... and I had better grab at the chance to love doing it now...

another juvenile peom of mine...

Words that separate or congregate,
can be anyone's words, when spoken with hate
a harsh word breeds a fiery argument
but a gentle answer, no one's predicament
discouragements have some of late because of words
yet encouragements also come with words I heard
a wise man speaks with authority
yet with the same words can a man speak folly
what then makes the words words needed?
wisdom from above is to be heeded...

I'm incomplete in perfection!

and that's what God's been impressing in my heart... received many msgs from old friends and I've found people sharing the same passion I have in doing what I need to do, from the most unlikely places... over friendster... and it's been great having you as my confidant boon! you're never alone in this pursuit for the one above...

been dwelling in christian rock... feel that I can connect with the songs and worship... a good alternative to hillsongs and hymns for now...

went for my first cooking class at sengkang... well, I didn't know I was that knowledgeble about baking until I could explain quite a bit of everything to my fellow classmates... (was the youngest there by the way) class consisted mostly of working career woman trying to squeeze in some domestic side of them in, and housewives of course... (no, I do not feel like the housewives for the matter... I just feel a little unique in this case... ;P)

but mostly, I felt a stirring within me... today... feel like I need him especially much... and I want to do what he wants me to do... perhaps it's because of the encouragement around me that I see...

jumping back onto lunch... I had lunch with my mom and some of her friends... who have become mine anyway... wow... I never knew that women can have so much fun together regardless of age... the anti-social side of me is opening up these days... and opening my heart in the most wondrously unexpected...

Life's really beautiful to me... *smile*

lessons three four...

"you're going to have your body for your whole life, so why not make it beautiful?"

and when I feel that I can't change my mindset because I feel I don't have the capacity to...
" start your new nature..."

Lesson no. 2: your friends make the best teachers of life!

was feeling a little cynical as always and started smsing one of my old friends... we used to be very much closer but the situation calls for us apart... anyway, I never knew I tried so hard to prove people wrong sometimes until he told me that I always thought the whole world was against me or something and that's why i always try so hard. interesting new revelation... maybe if I wasn't so cynical the way I am, I would find that (as he put it) "maybe if you think that the world is in fact supporting you all the way, it'll be more motivating and enjoyable..." well, I'm still learning and so is everyone else... but hope this comes as a fresh new light to people who have been slogging it out so hard and yet find nothing but nothing in this world (takes some time to understand it chums...)

Lesson no. 1: dun go out looking like some klutz...

I thought that it was an innocent idea enough to get to my driving school without doing much to my appearance nor taking precious time to pick at my clothes before leaving for some simple final theory classes(yes... I'll have to say I'm really backward for driving, will say more later)... apparently, I hadn't count on meeting too many people I know whilst I was there... met three people... not too big a tally, but enough to have sent me reeling in embarrassment... I only checked my appearance after meeting them... and thankfully, I didn't get a fright. looked ok I guess... anyway, it was a good reminder for me yet... never ever go out of the house without looking your best, you never know who and when you'll meet... but I suppose that I'll probably be too lazy yet again to do anything to my appearance before going out for a short while... unless doing some performance... cause the hassle to take the gunk off my face thereafter (make-up) is too much for me to take... for now, staying simple and plain jane...

started on my driving only really much later than others who, like me, have been out of school for some while now... so that accounts for my less-than-stellar driving profile... currently pursuing signing up for a final theory test date (why only 'signing'?) cause the school I go to has this silly policy of getting everyone to attend every single class and trial test that they specify before one can sign up for a test date. I'm totally gawking at that... I mean, if I get a test date so far ahead of what I'm doing now, won't I forget everything I've learnt? They've got to relook their policy, seriously... it doesn't make much sense...

not mentioning names of schools... but everyone would have known anyway... anyone who lives in the east goes to one driving school only...

but somehow, realised that the nearest date for the test is during one of my camps anyway... so now it doesn't bother me that much. will take the one at the end of june. it's safer. I'll get the place as a candidate 100%. (oh, did I mention you had to really fight for your rights as a student there?) You've got to book your lessons one month beforehand and your test dates, about two to three weeks beforehand (now it makes sense why I said the school policies dun?)

why is it I'm not sighing? ;P

it's going to be a really really packed month of june for me this year. So why is it I'm not sighing? Previous couple of years have been packed as well, but it's feeling so different this time around. Of course, the lack of mind-bogging things to do has been present ever since I've stopped attending school... to put it simply, it's great not having exams because rather than study the whole holiday and awaiting a form of exam-torture, I'd rather be doing more constructive things like helping out as and when I can anywhere... not that I had been dormant during my two years in JC... in fact, those two years are the years I felt that I had accomplished much, not speaking about results-wise though... disappointingly...
first week of june's dedicated to the Girls' Brigade camp, a uniform group which I'm helping out with until the opening of school... along with some worship seminar, second's to my church camp, end of third to whole of fourth to a vietnam trip... (which is still pending due to non-existance of dad's approval-haven't gotten round to it yet)- will be giving english classes (from the last I understand) for four days and thereafter, thinking of going for a mini holiday (still pending... will see about that)... ok... had it been JC, half the month would be dedicated to studying and the other half, tennis training, drama practices, and not forgetting church commitments as well... (I never realised that JC people are a pretty tough bunch until now) how I got everything in tow... I still can't comprehend... but I'm not sighing! that's for sure... this holiday's been superb...

finally came out of my shell...

It has been a good day of exercise so far... been ill for the past week and haven't gotten to exercising anyhow. Excuses' been aplenty when my mom asks me to exercise, when actually, I'm plain lazy. Hard for the tj people to understand that huh? When I used to be so enthusiastic about PE(seemingly actually). It's amazing what the holidays can do to you... it robs you of your life itself! Reflexes still intact and fast, though not that fast as I would have liked... but it's my fault, really, for being so immature about the whole exercise thing... worse thing's worse... have gained weight... though only a little... it's sufficient for me to balk whenever I look into the mirror (no, I do not have low self-esteem). I just can't stand the extra burden, it's too much to bring about. Why, last year when I was in tennis, a kilogram of extra weight would have caused one to get close to near extinction (pun intended).

All that furole about exercising giving you that extra boost to your skin and self-confidence is quite futile coming to my ears, because I play sports for sports itself! (I just need someone to get me going) The game, the technique, blows me away. People, if you're exercising because of some crap of a story someone wrote on an article... don't. Go and do what you've always loved to do. Say gardening or playing some chess... the brain by the way, burns energy as well... amazing? Quite. God just knew different people have different interests, and he desiged that you burn the energy you eat in caution and wisdom (mind you) anyhow...

I only wish I had started on this earlier...

this year has been a fine year so far for me... been making assurances on my own christian walk and setting the pace and rules in completing this race... found friends in friends who had been so gracious as to accept me for all the beautiful 'lameness' I bring into the world... and to accept that this stubborn girl needs time to reflect on her own life on her own... january and feb's been fabulous (no pun intended)... went for christian classes that energised and empowered myself to see the faith for what it really is... it's not a has-been or have-been... it's a will-be... as long as one commits to it... then the mission trip showed me that children aren't all that bad as they sound like when crying, and my word... the conflicts that came out of those events simply made me stronger... I've learnt that even in the most dire situations, I can learn to learn from the people whom I've never intended to learn from... march came and I worked like an insane creature at church... the attachment there was to learn about the church system and be more ministry-oriented... april appeared like a daisy in early spring... it was the sign that I had to be a stay-home, for mom was taking theology classes once again... now comes may and it seemed so devoid of lessons... but the one thing I've taken back with me so far this month... is wisdom and it didn't come easy... ")

a dedication to my dear good friends at tj...

Friends make one unvolunteeringly pathetic bunch
once I have 'other' friends, they feel the crunch...
it is not like they weren't already great friends
the situation just seems to slip out of my hands
is that really? you don't call them at all
you don't meet with them or say hi at the hall!
so just what do you mean when you guys aren't close anymore'?
you never took the chance, you simply closed the door

but friends you see, persevere on still
when you want the friendship back,
they're prepared, on their heels
one hears me out, the other rationalises,
it's important the other shares my interests, this girl realises
so this young lady starts to take things into her hands now
no more letting go of friendship nor letting them down
I've learnt never to take friendship all so lightly
have you learnt about friendship?
I hope! at least slightly... ;P

Poet: Sophia Goh

My starting words...

well... it's fine time that I now start having a blog... being an extremely extroverted and occasionally introverted person at times confuses people and I beg to differ about comments that I may be emotionally unstable... everyone has his or her days... (trying to be politically correct here) besides starting on a rather serious side... guess this poses perfect opportunities for others to understand the seemingly peoples'-person but sometimes hopelessly anti-social young lady... do include your comments... they're highly regarded and openly accepted... cheers...