It's the mystery of the universe...

I really like that song "O Sacred King"... And the great thing is that it would be used in our Anntic Camp as the Camp Song! :)

Okies so this is a heads up for anntic campers!!!

anyways... the past few days have been more than relaxing.. they've been great! and no I wasn't lying down all the while sleeping for all I was worth... Tuesday was left with me to sit and relax... but I ended up packing my wardrobe like I told myself I should... dug out alot of skeletons and makeup... haha.. which i promptly threw away... threw my books into the back of the cupboards and cleared my poor table which hasn't seen the light of day for quite some time now... :)

did some swimming, hoping to play tennis tomorrow morning... and tuitioned my sister and would be continuing to for the weeks to come... got anntic stuff to clear, the noc camp out to go for, the anntic camp to go for, dance rehearsals for musical and then the SM3 camp... I keep repeating the chant to myself... ha...

went out with mom, sis and eldest aunty... going for a concert tomorrow with Wayne... don't know much about it but I hope it doesn't disappoint! :)

Exams Over?!?

Yeah it's over and I am left in this state of not knowing what to do at all! I just came back from dinner and a super long chat with Edmond, who's working now after his graduation... I guess this would be so for the next few weeks to come now that I need to catch up with the people around me... and I won't be slacking around doing nothing since the people whom I would miss most wouldn't be stagnant anyways.. it's better to get around and accomplish things... :)

I was initially worked up over how I would think i would do... but I guess that stress is more or less over and gone due to telling myself that there is honestly nothing much that i can do really right now... and went shopping-seriously... but bought alot more toiletries and necessary items which i would need in the US... the slow accumulation wouldn't seem to hurt at the pockets just before i leave then... :)

So, right now would be getting up the plans and action going for Anntic 2006, as well as dance rehearsals and more bakings... then the performance nights after the Anntic camp and NOC campout... and then the SM3 camp by MOE... :)

I can't really think of more things to do other than packing my wardrobe and throwing out the unnecessary to bring to the US... I haven't been shopping for clothes or anything shoes due to having to bring it there or never wear it for a year... this is a good thing! There's so much to do... I hope I have the energy to do it all...

talking to friends a year on...

talking to friends a year on makes me wonder if I have changed in any way- for better or for worse... but in every friend, they see a fighting spirit that doesn't give up, despite what you can call dire circumstances... it's the hard circumstances and truth that pushes me to the brink of giving up, and yet it's those moments in which I draw my tough lessons and learn to lean on God...

I personally think that a year's a long time... a year's going to be a long time, and people would most definitely change... but what we would want most of all at the end of the day- is to simply know and believe that we've done all we could in the past year to the best of our capabilities, learnt to lean on God more, walk through the trails and tribulations in life... conquer it knowingly and unknowingly- and walk on...

have been talking to some old friends whom I most definitely hadn't spoken to in ages and how things have changed! They're no longer like a year before and things have taken such a turn- it amazes me how God moulds and makes people the way he wants them to be- in our thoughts, with life's events, in struggles and through joys...

I wonder if I've changed? Or merely found back the fighting spirit I have always been searching for ever since I stepped into JC... till now... In the event of trying to find it I lost it. In the event when I gave up, he taught me how to fight, how to do my best, smile in the face of adversities, to encourage others even through my struggles, and thank Him for everything...

Judgement and Hope, Word and Deed...

that's the tagline for our Anntic Camp 2006!

This is going to be a more emotional camp than the last when I had to go off to the US for 3 months... this time, it would be for a year! :/

I've been trying to get my mind off many things but I think that I have come to a point where it's not wrong for me to feel this way- I'm only human, not a robot without feelings... I am entitled to feel this way, entitled to sometimes feel like a failure, and entitled to feel better after this ordeal.

Am trying my very best to be conscientious and study for my very last paper before not sitting for any business modules for a year! This is my sole motivation...

the heart breaks for davydenko...

he's in the midst of an intense battle with the tiger who never gives up... I am worried he might not make it into the semi-finals... :( but roddick's out and that's pleasing to the ears... :) and eyes...

My mom and I baked a pandan cake today.. boy was it easy and nice to make! it was pure fun and I had to have some time off my studying anyways... besides, having nice cakes for breakfast is definitely a plus... especially when you're going into yet another test battle in the morning.. tomorrow's my 2nd to last paper... and i would be having a long hiatus thereafter and would have to study really hard for the next one... I think not doing well in the markets test was a good thing, since it made me so much more anxious and kiasu... if everything had gone reasonably well, i would say i might have just ignored studying altogether... i'm that lazy... but oh well... there's so much to do.. and i have so much more to do for real estate law... funny how i'm suddenly more worried about studying these days... in the past i just ignored it when i couldn't take studying and took more breaks than periods studying...

i'll most probably be flying off 17th Jan... and got the job at alpha innotech corporation... :) thank God for it... he made it all happen... sent me the right people, made the timing right so that i needn't do mundane jobs but the one that i would be most comfortable in... and he paved the way which I would otherwise not have walked... I still am a little apprehensive about it all... but this sudden surge of confirmation from him has allayed my greatest fears of losing many things in life... though i would miss my family immensely and friends as well... nothing beats walking the way he wants me to...

the presentation went ok yesterday! :) so was the physics paper which was handed up... reading through it made me a little nervous as i didn't know how i managed to write all that up but the topic on "black holes" really made me sit up and pay attention...

i wonder what i am going to be up to next... the holidays are drawing near no doubt... and most people would not have been done with their papers... other than doing up my anntic stuff as well as doing all the noc preparations... i have to practice the dances in church and have more anntic com meetings.. so i guess i won't be so free thereafter huh? after the anntic camp comes more dance rehearsals, and the SM3 camp organized by vcf! i think i should spend more time at home with my family... :/

Two modules down and I still felt that I let him down...

God: I really tried my best to study hard and all.. this is the best that I can do and would have done anyways even if I had the time.. honest!

I think I am pretty settled for today's two tests.. sure I did screw up in some ways due to not really having the time to study (though I know this is no excuse) and to formulate my answers but I really and truly hope she doesn't kill me for dumping what i know from the textbook into my answers! I am keeping my fingers super crossed... :)

anyways... I have been so blessed going for Ft yesterday! those who went would know that Lionel a (Son Of A Pastor) was so hilarious in his sharing yet when he came to the poignant parts, he was seriously very much capturing our attention.. the sharings really struck a note with me in the sense that I am so self-seeking and seeking to self-fulfill... but so many times along the way we don't even know what we want to fulfill because we don't even know our inner being and what we truly want and need... sometimes the want and need don't coincide... i want good grades, but would good grades be what i need to develop in character? (ok so this is a blatant excuse for not studying but anyways... you get the drift... :))

I am still grinning from the comments given me by some friends of mine.. and all my friends around me have been super encouraging and nice.. with friends like them, who needs enemies? :)

i hope i don't have enemies anyway... i think... i'm not malicious! why would i have?

got the hots for wits.

i think i've got the raw hots for wits. i don't mean to put it in such a blunt and uncouth way but honestly, a witty man would beat a good-looking-bird-brained dude hands down anytime in my eyes... but i realise they don't come often in life...

i think people can live without many things but they need people in their live who are able to laugh in adversities with them, challenge them when they need to be, embrace them with lame jokes when they're down (literally)... :) you can have all the money in the world but when you don't have that someone whom you can connect to and have words of laughs, you really don't find it all... you can have nothing in the world but the companionship of someone who's witty and knows what to say at the right time in the right place, and you feel like you've got it somehow better than the rich... of course, witty people usually don't end up mediocre with respect to jobs...

God's really witty too... don't you think? :)

He knows... he really knows...

After having frustrated thoughts with my screwed up paper for financial markets which would probably set me back in the pursuit for a better paper qualification, i have been settled and finally agreed within myself that it really doesn't matter anything and i need to look at the big picture... not getting honours is not the end of the world... and not getting noc is not the end of the world... going out to work early is not the end of the world: in fact and ironically, it's just the beginning of the long working life... which should be an exciting moment- since i would be judged on totally different criterions than what is expected of in school... i am more of the projects and work sort of person, hands on... applications more than anything else... talking, presenting.. giving a good impression... those are strengths... but other than that: really, my sports and performing arts abilities won't come in handy any time soon...

however should one think of what success means at this time and age: one would think: money, career and a good education of course! i beg to differ... such i am no experiencer of great success in those ways and thus mightn't have the right to speak as such; but i truly feel that success is more than money, more than a great career, and more than status... it includes a warm and homely feeling... a sense of belonging and being loved by others... you can have a pseudo family who doesn't love you the least... and a pseudo successful career without a purpose to it and within it..

Ryan mentioned in cell group today that it means having a right relationship with God, and achieving the goals that God intends for us to achieve... what are my goals in life? they should be similar to what he wants for me... but, i have been rather far away from interacting with him intimately although i truly trust in him and don't doubt his character and what's not... noc has been frustrating me because i honestly heard from him to go for it and not it's fraught with so many obstacles whether or not i go... but then who said following his way was easy? sure he helped me to decide on business school but he didn't say i would do well in my studies there did he? sometimes obedience takes more than mere going along the plans due to the smoothness of it... it takes guts and courage to carry on even when the world seems to be going against you...

the plane takes off against the wind... and God's wisdom is not for us to question...

a little consumed by tiredness...

There's lesser and lesser things to do according to my brain but whenever i share what i would be going through in the next couple of weeks, it never fails to raise the eyebrows of the listener.. ok maybe one eyebrow... *wink*

my brain's telling me it's tired and really wants to hibernate for now knowing that it cannot completely shut down... there's one more crucial week to go, more to do and more to expect... i don't know if i am physically ready for the studying... though the mind might press on, the brain may not cooperate to absorb the relevant information! but i really really need to chiong all the way this time around...

though my eyeballs seem to be poking out of their sockets due to the fact that i am almost always on the computer and it's not my fault really, there's so much to be done administratively for me... checking my emails to ensure all the programs and camps going on in my life run on smoothly... and trying to remember who to meet up with and when... when's compulsory and what's not... am starting to feel like a working onion... don't ask me why that thought came into my head but you've got a couch potato who does nothing, and you might have a working onion who does nothing but look into the computer screen all day.... ok so you might think that they have fingers to type with: try the roots???

oh no... *bleah* i'm starting to exude some sort of a "short-circuit" syndrome... when too much power goes through the brain, the brain temporarily works weird and funny... but once you shut down the system and start it up again... it would probably work ok and more then fine... :)

companies contacting me have been too far for my comfort... but the manager there in Sv is looking through things for me... my friends around me have been tremendously supportive... and NUS is really really rigid when it comes to change... there aren't enough companies to go around the students and they are asking the companies to each take one intern, due to the fact that earlier, there were a lesser number of interns... now we've got tons, and some things just don't change...

headache.

the littlest things in life...

sometimes the littlest things in life are the very things that make our hearts flutter and yet choke in tears... the littlest things are meant to show us the very vulnerabilities of our souls and help us appreciate the smallest things when the large threatens to topple us...

two of my gfs whom i shan't mention, were squealing in delight about having their labtops connected through infra-red and having documents and pictures sent to and fro between... the rest of us just looked at each other and I smiled, because I know the littlest things in life make our lives a trifle more exciting? and easier to go by... but Lester said it was so childlife, which i agree... but being childlike helps us relief the childhood perhaps, that we may never have had...

the little chat we had last night warmed my heart tremendously... and I've decided not to impose my big-headed ideologies into something not quite capable of being divided so objectively... in the business world, it's either this or that- loss or profit. in relationships with people, there needs to be given a certain amount of 'heart' and uncertainties... to see things along the way and let it flow... like ian said... I always thought he wasn't being too practical with such things... on the contrary, i now think that he has thought through more things than i have... he knows what can be decided upon, what needs to be waited upon...

it's the littlest things in life that make you realise someone else's worth...

Cry Wolf

I am known to him to be such a hot headed female that when the msn got disconnected, he misunderstood it as my reply in a fit of anger... oh well, this is perhaps God's way of handling it... Perhaps he thought that I wasn't handling it well enough and needed more time to think before all the words that I say start to become vipers in a baby's hand... a stinging strike at a fragile heart which doesn't know what to think...

I am known not as a very patient young lady and I think this is evident in my everyday encounters... it is not rocket science to see my affable nature yet I can be brash in many ways when it comes to things that come too close for comfort... :/

I just don't understand some things... can love be such that it misses and yearns, but doesn't want to forgive for hurts? or love be affected by a mere decision of many in life, and the heart knows it doesn't feel the same way anymore?

Meanwhile I have a crazy schedule to take note of... but this ironically keeps my mind off the stress... i just need more motivation to study hard...


Next week: a test

Following week: 1 assignment, 1 report, 1 presentation, 3 tests

Following week: 1 test

help... someone?