please! not more of your fatty-syllabi!!!

I don't get some girls- emaciated looking yet only seeing the micro-fats they have on their bodies.. or should i call it 'skin'... and complaining like it's everyone's business in the world to know how they should diet and tone up some muscles and all that sorts... why not try starving? or having an exchange with the african kids? say from namibia? it would help so much to know what you would look like without an ounce of fat, not to mention, doing so without so much as a need to exercise!

*phff*

i know that every girl has something to grip about- myself included... and i had been obsessed with weight loss- but that was because i gained like 9 kgs after my prime! that is a worrying figure i reckoned and i had to get my lifestyle straight and good. of course being big-boned i naturally never got to the lows of weights and i have oftened gripped so much about it that it bored the s*** out of the people around me... i realise- complaining and doing something about it is a little irritating already... complaining and not doing anything? that's pure irritable.

so if you think you're fat (I mean seriously): go do what you need to. get a healthy diet, lifestyle etc.

and if you think you need to tone up and get some muscles: please don't grip about the future weight gain (hello! muscles are heavier than fats)

furthermore if you have been doing all u can and yet the results are rather discouraging: relax! you're already building a healthy lifestyle and training up good discipline!

if you're not doing anything, and don't intend to but want to complain to gain some sympathy and so that we can all say you're already slim and all : please shut up.

Great week!!!

Tuesday: went for a project meeting to do some research and thereafter go for the epistole retreat cum meeting which ended up with me making a mess out of the macaroni and justin having to rescue it huge time.. he cooked from morning till evening and opened his home for all of us- nice guy! as always we all had some nice good talk- with me being usually nonsensical...

Wednesday: went for the finance project meeting to work out the general outline of what we would be doing for our case study and thereafter met ian for lunch... wow... my pal hasn't changed! thank God.. i was honestly worried that we won't be able to click after some months apart and of course, all things being so different back here in Singapore as opposed to there in the US... he would be going to the US to do his summer music course in berkeley next year- I'm just glad he is finally going to at least try to study for a while something that interests him...

Thursday: outing with my gfs!!! yayness to munching and shopping... i bought a few unusual items under their guidance... ops.. like erm eye brow pluckers? Ouch. but they say it's necessary... okok... i will and shall...

hoo haa over nothing...

one set of nice limbs please...

it's so tough to achieve those! I recently tried to embark on my tights-firming regime but to my dismay I had to abandon plan as soon as i got it started! it hurts, at the balls of the feet with overtly tight blades.. and i had swollen feet for some time.. :(

and i didn't do anything to my arms but it got erm, more toned (in the bad sense)

shucks shucks shucks.. what exactly did i do wrong here? i don't exercise much, and the less i do the more muscles i gain all in the wrong areas!

got to muscle up my brains for now though... much to do coming up... 4 midterms, 4 assignments/papers due, 2 presentations... all within the next two weeks... yeeks!!!

Whatever happened?

to my sensibility? to my steadiness of mind? to my relentless spirit?

I am backed by my own emotions and I am utterly confused as to what to think or do right now... to think that someone would have such an impact on my thoughts, feelings and activities (since I don't have much that I feel like doing when considering him) is amazing to me... I don't recall ever being that sort of a softie...

I really don't know what in the world happened.. I am keeping my fingers crossed for the best... I don't know why the MIA resulted. I don't know why I am acting the way I am... I don't know why sensibility flew out of my mind and hands.. and I don't know why I exist to bring burdens and pains to people...

turning my back on the world and its offerings...

got fed up, quit everything: that was what i decided one year back. so why do i regret it now?

the fact is: I don't. I just regret not being able to take up as i would have liked (but is it what i would have liked?)

I think I want to take up what I wouldn't have liked to make sure that I liked myself. sounds complicated? i don't think so... suppose it is common fare for everyone but noone mentions it all that much...

I want to be more involved in CV building stuff... but is it for me? I just took a step back and realised how i couldn't compare myself to others (esp those with professional degrees and scholars) they have their jobs in their bag waiting for them and i do not. i have to rely on cv building, and unfortunately, woman-handling a bible camp for 150 and being in executive committees on a christian organization doesn't quite cut it. not at all. so i need something else. pretty desperately. but my world's really very much a dedication to God now and i feel happy the way i am.. i believe... despite the occasional heartaches... ;/ which i believe get to you sometimes but it mustn' get me down... that's the key thing...

has the threshold decreased or the workload increased? i seem to be able to do less things than before... someone mentioned seeing the stuff i used to do and almost fainted! (hee hee it's you yue en!) yeah i looked at mine recently and wondered how i managed to as well!

people tell me not to get stressed up... (really and honestly, however tough i seem to be, I am really touched)... i am not at all but it's suddenly piling on nearing the term break! because that means the supposed 'hell weeks' are coming in no time at all and I don't have fancy time to waste away... which i haven't been, which probably makes it better but not for the fact that i still do not have time and the confidence to properly digest and masticate full loads of back to back tests, assignments, presentations and what nots... many of which fall on my bday... :( my cousin told me to take a break... but how can i? even if it's my 21st... so what?

and i have to contend with many other roles i have been prepared to play with better gusto and commitment... that of a committed member in each and every role i currently play... be a true friend to each and every person i encounter... and be a lovable and sensible daughter and sister to my family...

it's not time to get knocked out... it's time to knock them out!

i don't care about the heart no more...

i have so much to do!!! (i remember saying so umpteen times i know but it's every bit true!!!)

3 tests in 3 days for week starting after term break

1 presentation, 1 test and a critique due 2nd week after term break

1 paper, 2 reports, more presentations and this is merely a rough guide...

*shakes head*

survive little sophie! no, just be victorious. :)

how would you know where your heart lies?

and how would you know when it does change?

the heart seems such a fidgety, yet listless, uncertain yet stubborn, unsure yet resolute to feel what it does want to feel and lead the mind to will what it would...

but my mind controls my heart... or does it not?

perhaps i have been too strict with myself when my mind undermines my heart, maybe i have subconsciously let my heart rule too much...

but it won't happen... or will it?

on a much less rhetorical note, tomorrow's the day of anntic registration and fund raising and we're all really psyched (or at least i am) about it all... no doubt i would have to get up really early as my dad cannot send me to school tomorrow and it would be another usual long day... this week is breath-taking (literally) in fact... i won't have my lunch breaks for tues and wed until way after lunch hour... :(

go sophie go! God help me go!

no highty flighty stuff for me, thanks.

i am suddenly purturbed by the behaviour of some people... highty flighty people who think they own the world and have every right to insult as and when they like... with no regard for others' feelings and thoughts... perhaps it doesn't stem from a wicked heart, but no doubt, even from the perspective of a 2o year old, it does seem rather imbecile and immature... couldn't they think before they speak?

maybe I am committing the same mistake here writing about it as i speak about them... maybe i am being too judgemental and not sensitive towards others' feelings... but i realise that honestly, acknowledgement is one step towards making things right since i would presume that people aren't in general all that mean... and they hadn't gotten anywhere near that step. believe me, i am not taking a holier-than-thou stance... i just like to speak up for my friends who have been slighted, have been wrongfully insulted, pained and discouraged by their current state of affairs, which to me, seem perfectly alright but to them? it seems rather dire...

don't they realise that if they aren't who they are, someone else has to take it up anyway? and it takes every element in the system for it to run... you don't run with one sector without the other... although their profession is highly regarded and much sought after.... i wonder if it's anyone's intention to make more enemies who look nice towards u on the outside and live in the knowledge of it at some point in life... go through the highty flighty details and social 'graces'... laugh at others' expense and bask in their ignorance, believing they have gotten it all...

but they'll never know will they? they'll never see it right... the world's too much for us to handle... it's too alluring and deceitful... it's flighty and highty... and we don't all want to accuse nor admit it.

unillustrious me...

I have been feeling this way ever since people around me, like all true blue business students, have been participating in case competitions, getting elected in their own respective clubs and societies and setting up clubs too... :9

nah i don't envy them, i am just wondering to myself why i don't seem to have the energy and time to do those stuff... working part time whilst studying is something that alot of students take to as well but as far as i know it doesn't seem to fit into my schedule at all!

and of course, neither would the club and society participations... maybe i have had enough of those meaningless frivolities (no offense to anyone)... but then again we all have to do all that in the real world out there! what would keep me sane in the working world???

or maybe then i didn't have the right motivation and direction and goal... but now i do...

maybe it's time to start... time to move on after the mess clearing... time to start commiting... perhaps next year???

or perhaps it's time to rest and take a step back, time to spend my precious time with my family.. appreciate life as God deems it to be... and let him worry about my future? But God doesn't help someone who doesn't want to help herself!!!

maybe i should try not having so many high powered friends... haha... perhaps that would help tons... :)

today's citibank industry talk organised by saw financial centre certainly opened up my eyes to banking and if they would want me, i think i would be what they are looking for *cross fingers* someone who enjoys integrating both marketing and finance to create products that aid consumers... i like to talk, like to analyse, like to hear from others and source for solutions... haha... i think i know now that i should really try going for my element...

Towards a greater partnership... my skin and I!!!

I realise I haven't been taking good care of my skin AT ALL after going for today's make up class... I feel so bad about it! I think I have got to start the regime... the whole skin care regime of cleansing, toning, moisturising, whitening (yes even whitening to prevent pigmentations!)

to think that i have got myself a good skin care set and i don't even know how to capitalise on it!

today's make up class was extremely informative and i tried the colours i never tried before due to the fact that i thought they made me look like a person boxed in the eyes... apparently, i have been seeing it with respect to the wrong lighting! it actually looks pretty good! :)

and yes, i finally know the importance of having the make up base, the loose powder, foundation, blush, mascara (finally know how to do it proper), eye shadow colours (since i hardly experimented), and lip colour! the $30 bucks was really worth it...

now you know how those celebrities get such nice skin tones and all... truth be told, not everyone of them has good skin... you don't have to have good skin with make up... but trust me i would be drinking my water, eating my vitamins C and E to boost my skin! (I hope this keeps up in the near future as well)

had very little rest the past few days due to not being able to sleep due to time changes in my sleeping patterns, as well as needing to finish up a report last night when i was actually tired.. the rings around my eyes have become darker and yes it is also due to the pigmentation due to sun exposure!!! you're so going to see white face me (with tons of sun block) and dark skin me... weird...

but oh well... haha... sometimes life is more interesting with the mundane things... the littlest things... the vainest things!!!

Talk of my world!

Tennis:

The illustrious Roger Federer has delivered as expected... against a resurgent Andy Roddick, the swiss still had his own arsenal of fantastic answers...

Roger now has 3 years of consecutive US Open-Wimbledon titles per year...

He is faithfully dating his gf of 4 plus years... and she has been his main source of support for all his years of touring...

What more can I say about him? :)

F1 Racing:

The emotions-dripping Michael Schumacher took his 90th and final Monza Italy Grand Prix win and scaled new heights with his drivers' championship rankings... he now trails Alonso by only 2 points, with 3 more races to go...

Schumacher would retire at the end of the 2006 season and I was crushed to see him so sad to announce that crucial piece of news...

Driving finds itself a new legend, a new hero... who is going to exit with honour and grace, and will not be left with no choice but retirement due to the detrimental effects of aging in sports...

Michael, ever the family man, thanked his wife, 2 children, mom and dad, friends from Benetton and Ferrari for his past achievements and stated that without them, this would not have happened for him...

Barclays Singapore Open:

Once again, Adam Scott has succeeded in winning the richest Asian golfing event... he won through a 3 hole playoff with Ernie Els and the immensely talented 26-year-old showed the form he was supposed to but didn't this whole year... due to the resurgence of the Tiger (but never mind Tiger)

I think the winner of the competition in my heart, would be Ernie Els... the gentleman congratulated the young Scott and gave him a ride on his private jet to Europe for the matchplays...

It just shows... the most illustrious people are the people who learn to appreciate the people around them, and have their support to focus...

Great day! :)

I went for an early breakfast with dad and mom before doing some marketing and me and my mom got some blue hairspray for the ladies' night at 7pm... because the theme was blue...

then we baked some butter cake (which we accidentally used salted butter for-ops) and made some glutinuous rice cake with gula melaka... :) hm hm!

went for church practice at 4 since dance was cancelled due to Shuen's being sick... seems like the hip hop dance would be postponed until really late, probably next year, after the end of the year dance item within the musical would be done up...

had to dress up in all black with a blue scarf and hair sprayed with blue non-permanent hairspray for coordination with my mom... she wanted us to have some mom-daughter similar-dressing thing... which is always fun of course! :)

I nabbed the Most Best Dressed and the 2nd place for the Best Hair... haha it was so ironic because I paid alot of attention to the hair and none for the dressing... hm... got a huge bouquet of flowers sponsored by aunty theresa and presents from the rest of the committee! the ladies all look fabulous tonight and there was so much fun, plenty of food, drinks, dessert, presents for all, roses for all... I think it was fantastically well planned, did not go OT and yes, I think with this attendence of 85, 90 including the committee, it is a HUGE success which we all thank God for!

Praise God for wonderful aunties like them... still so active and cheerful in their service...

and my sister got her crystal necklace which I got as a present, and which she wanted but couldn't because she saw that the prices were not that fantastic at the departmental store... :) yay... everyone's happy!

My mom was praised for her attire... haha I must say my mom's pretty fantastic at her age... she squeezed into my xs blouse for the night's wear and of course, she looks good... I am glad to say i kinda got her her whole get up... :)

I'll let the joy of the Lord be my strength...

Because he has made me glad, he fights for my battles... he will win and has won it for me... :)

I was just mentioning to nel that really, I hadn't really felt the heat of the semester ever since the semester started... sure i had tons of things to do... and i seemed really busy... i complained when i had so much to do... but am starting to get acquainted to the workload... although there is more to come, i think i would want to trust and rest in the Lord...

the joy of the Lord is my strength!

and ironically, it was only when nel mentioned that we might have a major problem with anntic, that it might clash with many youth camps due to the pushing back of the exam dates... that i started to panic... so i had things sorted out with our point of contact through fred and we've got good and bad news... the bad is that we had to make our down payment in less than 2 weeks' time... the good? we can actually ask the com members to pay up first, that would make the amount... we can pay up to a singapore contact (so we need not go up again) and... we won't be charged alot extra for the use of the main conference room... :)

God wants this camp to be... won't he let it be?

I made contingent budget sheets immediately and found that we need at least 110 campers, 125 in total including speakers and staff workers to break even and have a little leftover... anything lower than that would make us be really in the red... (praying hard everyone would go!)

our programs schedule is out! :) our workshops are on its way to be confirmed... the blurbs are being written... the publicity cds are being burnt... the forms would soon be printed... we're going to bake on the 18th for fund raising during the 2nd ft... there is so much going on! :) and our committee is gelling really really well... despite the initial minor problems and the huge committee... :) all works out well...

but yet has your heart ever been confused... as to what your head and heart are thinking?

private sophie reporting for...

sat's whole day of work without sch stuff...
12-2 dance,
4-7 church practice and
7-10 ladies' night dinner

which means.... i have to catch up on work on... now?

Back from trip!

Ok so it was a short one... just accompanied my dad and mom with my whole family to Malaysia for a short trip... went golfing, got ministered to through the alpha retreat which wasn't meant to be for me but I guess God means for everyone of us to be ministered to in everyway... (and i am really glad that my brother too was blessed, although the whole family including my domestic help did too!)... and well had a great time!

Not forgetting the amount of durian, rambutans, seafood and rubbish I ate in the past few days! Whoa it really made up for the lack of food I had in the past 2 weeks... due to busyness... hee hee... :) Yum but I gotta watch it real tight... and right...

the golf shots I took were threatening to be horrible until we started the next 9 holes of the 18 holes... which is the first 18 holes stretch I have ever played... wanted to give up really but it went well in the final 9 holes! thank God we went back home with grins on our faces... hee hee

so much to do upon coming home! but oh well i guess i got to learn how to take things in my own stride and time...

Tues:
Classes from 9-12, 1-2, 2-4
Physics Meeting 4-6
Marketing Meeting 6-8

Wed:
Classes from 9-2
Meeting for corporate finance
5-7 Anntic Meeting!

Thurs:
Classes from 12-3
Meeting for corporate finance
7-9 Council Meeting!

Friday:
Lie in bed to refresh...

For now:
1) Tutorials for the week
2) Readings for the week
3) Catch up on dance
4) Catch up on sleep
5) Plan for the meetings and do the preparations!