He knows... he really knows...

After having frustrated thoughts with my screwed up paper for financial markets which would probably set me back in the pursuit for a better paper qualification, i have been settled and finally agreed within myself that it really doesn't matter anything and i need to look at the big picture... not getting honours is not the end of the world... and not getting noc is not the end of the world... going out to work early is not the end of the world: in fact and ironically, it's just the beginning of the long working life... which should be an exciting moment- since i would be judged on totally different criterions than what is expected of in school... i am more of the projects and work sort of person, hands on... applications more than anything else... talking, presenting.. giving a good impression... those are strengths... but other than that: really, my sports and performing arts abilities won't come in handy any time soon...

however should one think of what success means at this time and age: one would think: money, career and a good education of course! i beg to differ... such i am no experiencer of great success in those ways and thus mightn't have the right to speak as such; but i truly feel that success is more than money, more than a great career, and more than status... it includes a warm and homely feeling... a sense of belonging and being loved by others... you can have a pseudo family who doesn't love you the least... and a pseudo successful career without a purpose to it and within it..

Ryan mentioned in cell group today that it means having a right relationship with God, and achieving the goals that God intends for us to achieve... what are my goals in life? they should be similar to what he wants for me... but, i have been rather far away from interacting with him intimately although i truly trust in him and don't doubt his character and what's not... noc has been frustrating me because i honestly heard from him to go for it and not it's fraught with so many obstacles whether or not i go... but then who said following his way was easy? sure he helped me to decide on business school but he didn't say i would do well in my studies there did he? sometimes obedience takes more than mere going along the plans due to the smoothness of it... it takes guts and courage to carry on even when the world seems to be going against you...

the plane takes off against the wind... and God's wisdom is not for us to question...