turning my back on the world and its offerings...

got fed up, quit everything: that was what i decided one year back. so why do i regret it now?

the fact is: I don't. I just regret not being able to take up as i would have liked (but is it what i would have liked?)

I think I want to take up what I wouldn't have liked to make sure that I liked myself. sounds complicated? i don't think so... suppose it is common fare for everyone but noone mentions it all that much...

I want to be more involved in CV building stuff... but is it for me? I just took a step back and realised how i couldn't compare myself to others (esp those with professional degrees and scholars) they have their jobs in their bag waiting for them and i do not. i have to rely on cv building, and unfortunately, woman-handling a bible camp for 150 and being in executive committees on a christian organization doesn't quite cut it. not at all. so i need something else. pretty desperately. but my world's really very much a dedication to God now and i feel happy the way i am.. i believe... despite the occasional heartaches... ;/ which i believe get to you sometimes but it mustn' get me down... that's the key thing...

has the threshold decreased or the workload increased? i seem to be able to do less things than before... someone mentioned seeing the stuff i used to do and almost fainted! (hee hee it's you yue en!) yeah i looked at mine recently and wondered how i managed to as well!

people tell me not to get stressed up... (really and honestly, however tough i seem to be, I am really touched)... i am not at all but it's suddenly piling on nearing the term break! because that means the supposed 'hell weeks' are coming in no time at all and I don't have fancy time to waste away... which i haven't been, which probably makes it better but not for the fact that i still do not have time and the confidence to properly digest and masticate full loads of back to back tests, assignments, presentations and what nots... many of which fall on my bday... :( my cousin told me to take a break... but how can i? even if it's my 21st... so what?

and i have to contend with many other roles i have been prepared to play with better gusto and commitment... that of a committed member in each and every role i currently play... be a true friend to each and every person i encounter... and be a lovable and sensible daughter and sister to my family...

it's not time to get knocked out... it's time to knock them out!