That is it...

I've had enough of decorums and schedules and what-nots... I'm going to be me and not bearing a care in the world... I'm going to enjoy my time thoroughly well and I'm going to eat what I like, sleep when I want and be oblivious to anything else under the sun *note: this is a pent-up frustration going off*

most of all, I'm going to be oblivious to romantisms and chauvinism/feminism...

comme si comme sa...

super girl or fiesty one? I don't know much exactly... but one thing's for sure... I'm starting to feel the busyness in life, yet finding that I do have time to do everything at once... everything is comme si comme sa... (so so in french) and I hadn't the heart to make comments about it albeit that I don't have much of a life to go out and have fun like the rest... not that I'm trapped at home like a mouse in a cage, but more of a mouse running amok but still within the complex of the house... giving tuition and going to school and ccas have been a great part of the whole life package so far for me... listening to some classical music now... oh my, wonder what happened to me... starting to feel like a... er... romantic?

Tired and plain tired...

school's been going into full swing but I hardly feel any energy to keep it up... ok... maybe the occasionally bursts of joy and exuberance coming with some consumption of coffee (which is rare- it not being a practice of mine) or maybe the new product horlicks has come up with (the one without the puking feeling after you drink it)- it's a energy drink... went for exercise the day before and man has it been an experience... cause I haven't been exercising in the past week and I tried to push my body on a hot yesterday afternoon... was good.. mind was sleeping and body yet awake... funny feeling and mixed sentiments... if only both would work at the same time well and good... that probably would be happening when I finally do sleep well (was still suffering from sleep deficit with respect to the weekend camp). Remind me never to try that again... am too old for that kind of stuff anyway... (am I talking like some old hag now? oh oh...) "(

marketing group has been inevitably picked.. with no choice on my part... and we've got to complete something in the next one and a half weeks... bad thing... cause I feel that we hadn't much knowledge of the subject to do something really fantastic that would make my scores surge really high... God, help me pull it all together...

expectations produce too much anxiety sometimes... must beware of the consequences... (I'm telling myself that...)

what an experience!

sculling sessions... dancing myself crazy... cheering so much it didn't occur to me to do so at bizad orientations as well... and just being a little not me was quite an experience... notice i didn't exactly say it was wonderful.. it was just... different and new... refreshing... but tested me in the sense that I was forced to think whether drinking would amount to a lack of values or I had a lack of resistance to new things... so it was crazy weekend for me... and yes, no work done.. which means.... work to do tomorrow and in the week ahead.. double the workload.. shucks.. hate this..

I got it!!!

I got into aiesec... finally... not being too big headed am I I hope? went for a little shopping spree just now and it's been fun... but the things i purchase nowadays in no way resembles clothing... vitamins, and books, and little presents for people... well, I've come a long way... wanted to buy a retro looking dress today, but they didn't have my size... was a little disappointed cause it really was at a bargain of 20% off... but oh well... better off without something that doesn't hug me as well as I would have liked... ;) classes are starting to scare me... and I better start doing something constructive other than plain yakking about how tough it is and how much I've got to study..

I'm lazy lazy lazy..

I need motivation.. from anyone, someone.. just can't seem to catch up on work nor be able to bring myself to exercise... sigh... it's been a pity... cause I love to eat so much? French was tough today... and would be no doubt even harder soon... the tutorials have been leaving me gaping with confusion... and I really pray that I'll be able to handle everything with ease soon... somehow.. my ccas have been diminishing... to only three currently... toastmasters, vcf, political association... and would be AIESEC too if only they would reply me... too much work for too little time... I wonder how other people get so much energy to do everything at one go... must bai ta men wei shi..

I did it!!! Arrrrghhhh!!!!

I finally got the much coveted driving licence... feeling a little cranky now no doubt... but I guess it's the initial delightment of all new drivers... well, actually, it's the elation in knowing that we need not be subjected to rather stringent checking of driving styles... and that we can finally drive in peace and possibly, comfort? Sigh, so much to make up for in uni... my lessons... I have been behind... and i need to catch up some... makes me want to wish there were more hours than there are now.. but with identical workloads to complete... I've been feeling fat... or maybe, being fat recently... not exercising enough for the energy to go... perhaps people with more than mere gossiping to do will be talking about my flabs and all... but oh well, if I feel beautiful myself.. who can say anything to that? ;)

have been going out quite a bit in the past days till quite late... what an experience... it's probably done in zest knowing that once the tutorials start, there wouldn't be much time for play... not much anyway... :(

I hadn't the heart to refuse...

the delicious food that's seemingly always around me in my new school... and i end up, unfortunately, gorging, force-feeding to curb my humongous appetite whatever... and now I hadn't the heart to refuse exercise... but I'm sick... so it's this vicious cycle of need and wants that keeps me trapped unwittingly.. and unless I do something about it, it's going to consume me, or it'll likely to be a 'controlling' factor in my life... okok.. so I'm pretty dramatic about this whole thing.. something to spice up my life I guess... driving yesterday was fun but not before I shook myself out of that trance (which I aquired when drinking my cough mixture- the label said it MAY cause drowsiness). the experience was totally horrible... and I'm still sick... sigh... I really pray that I'll be able to pass it this coming monday... would be going for an aiesec interview tomorrow... hopefully would be able to do my best and give the best answers and most of all, be genuine, and be myself... ;P

btw, school was not too bad, quite an experience... to be working my brains after so long needs some tending to I guess... still don't know what would be expected of me... but I'm willing to try and succeed... and leave myself vulnerable to heartaches along the way... that's the way everything goes...

I've been quite... sick... recently...

I'm still not admitting it, though... still trying to appear strong and trying to appear glad that school's starting... although the books have been unnecessarily thick, albeit being comprehensive, and rather not too value-for-money when compared to second hand books... still feels good to be having new books at hand to kick start the new term! went for the aiesec tea and might be joining it I guess... say.. perhaps there's a good chance I may still not be clear about what and which to join etc... so that leaves things open... and I'm alright with most things... although I do admit that not everything would serve to be in my best interests... takes some dexterity in choosing and joining various clubs and societies I guess... whatever...

loving these two weeks of no show for tutorials... keeps me sane for now... alhough that probably means that I won't be finding friends to go lectures with...which is a blessing in itself I feel... being with people I know would be disastrous! I wouldn't be able to concentrate then... take today's economics lecture for example... with a pretty garrulous new friend I had found in lecture who aced her econs... I hadn't the heart to ignore her completely... although I had caught quite a fair bit of the lecture.. it still wouldn't be enough... thank God it was an introductory lecture... otherwise... would have hit myself in the head for undeserved breaks as such...

confusion fuses with conditions...

I lost a good part of my tuition kids! well, inevitably because I'm not too keen a tuition teacher nowadays due to lack of enthusiasm in teaching as the syllabus has already been taught... all I thought to myself was good timing, cause I really needed to find some time out to be studying, doing projects and to participate in all the ccas I wanted to join. yes, I'd rather ccas over earning money, call me bimbotically dumb... whatever... and been a little confused over what to do with my life now that I'm left to organise it on my own and having the responsibility to assure it being 'successful' in a way... but I believe God will send his help along my way in life... school's starting and had it been a day back I would have moaned! but now I don't because the good part of the load on my back has been lifted... no more too much tuitioning jobs that would rob me of my freedom and fun in uni... uni... here I come!!!

PS forgive the rather 'shallow' outlook in life for this particular blog entry. sometimes, soberness leaves a little... and it'll come back I hope...

has anyone been bad?

I'm feeling the horns coming out of my head and it seems to be telling me that I'll be quite hopeless in retracting it unless I do something drastic to change the situation... sigh.. well well, orientation hasn't exactly been my cup of tea lately.. but it's still been good knowing the people whom I've come to know.. thank God for them... watched house of flying daggers... very shakespeare very tragic... but I didn't criticise zhang yimou for his unoriginality, cause after all, shakespeare is classic and i love his works.. got my modules and checked my work load and stuff... seems pretty challenging.. and I don't seem to be gearing myself up for anything, which I had better commit to.. otherwise, might be in for a rude shock.. french seems a little terrifying for now... the text is all in french which no anglais reference whatsoever... sigh.. and the pop quiz and oral tests could be enough to make me suck in my breath and not breathe for some time... realised that the best way to be wearing a bag is high and up (thanks for the advice al)... have always tried acting the *punker wearing it low and making myself suffer for some time now... my back hurts man... the books I bought yesterday and put in my bag could be well like more than 6 kg... much more... (thanks for carrying it for quite abit of time ya al)baked bread yesterday and added too much salt.. such that it tastes like a salt bun more than anything else... what a waste... sigh.. well, baking disasters do occur... will not be going for the vcf night tonight cause got to send my dad off at the airport.. I do miss them alot... my group... oh well.. things do clash somewhat....