we start to believe when there's no compelling factor but his love for us.

It was amazing that mentioned on sunday in our cell discussion, it would be mentioned today in "my utmost for his highest"... The writer identifies that Saul changed from a strong-willed and forceful pharisee into a humble and devoted bondservant of the Lord Jesus Christ.

What he notes is that there is nothing mysterious about Paul's conversion. We control what we believe and what we choose to fight for, or not to fight for. It's natural to seek explanations for everything we deem necessary, but somehow it's not natural to obey. He mentions though, that it's not necessarily sinful to disobey either. That was the turning point. I have always thought that the Christian approach would be to force ideas and obedience upon us... whether or not we have been convinced of the authority and ideas.

We mustn't go into the world telling others what to do and what not to do... neither should we practice it in our church. Disobedience can be seen as vile, but in some sense it also reflects a freedom to choose, as well as perhaps an unconvinced mind. It reflects a thinking Christian who wants to know and needs to know to clear her doubts about everything... so that she can live at peace with herself and God. Of course, ideally God would show it to her in due time... and when she knows, she then must obey. But if the authority given her is mere men and his ideals, she shall not obey until God shows it to her to be true. Somehow or other though, alot of things are meant to be experienced and known and not told. Some things are meant to be a lesson taught, others bring one to a new route to be found.

But through it all, if she loves God... it would come to light in time to come... meanwhile even though she is rather disturbed and irritated, she can bask in his love and grace to serve him... while God's love compels.