you can't lose what you never had...

music is by far the most influencial form of propaganda... whether or not it was intended to be... I mean... we talk about who loves what kind of music... does anyone even ask whether someone likes any kind of music at all or none? no they don't... because that would sound totally absurd... stupid... see the influence? :)

anyway... those words are to mark my contemplation about many issues here... seems like somehow and somewhat... the influences are getting greater and bigger... and yes I'm starting to feel old turning twenty this year but I shan't make it too huge a deal... except that certain 'people' in my life have started to bug me about having a boyfriend before it's too late... I mean... what's too late? won't I still be attractive in twenty years' time? won't I? I know I would be... at least I myself would be convinced... no matter what others may say! although I do realise that it takes the other half to feel the same way or it'll still amount to nothing... heh...

and yes... about being independent and leaving the sappy songs and lovey dovey tunes to the love sick puppies... leaving none for my soul... I don't know what's up but man do I wish I don't have to quit my feministic club for any reason at any point in time...

my institution would stand, wouldn't it? ")

and I can't describe the feelings I have churning within me... it's like... I used to know and understand every thought that came into my head... but lately... have been a headless, brainless, non-existant-human... sigh that would be too much to take but why, I can't help but feel and become brainless for once!

it all started when I started to submit my feelings to God... trusting him in his faithfulness and love... and somehow... it feels foreign to feel this way... but it's a good feeling... generally... only bad when I start to question too much on why I'm feeling this way and so on... and yes... it's quite non-descript...

he's telling me something... I'm trying here to feel it... and I'm trying really hard to accept it and love it... God... I think I'm ready... I really do... won't you come and fill me? and fill me in as well please... thanks... i can't help but die to find out what's buzzing... and why I'm feeling these feelings...