If I never knew you...

I wouldn't be sitting here thinking about you, I wouldn't be sitting here thinking what went wrong. But if I didn't know you, I wouldn't have come out of an otherwise stifling r/s, for which I am really thankful for. I seem to have chosen something over you, and you seem to have chosen to feel angry about it over loving and supporting me. You are disappointed I even thought about it; I am disappointed someone I thought who would support me wholeheartedly and told me to go for it now turns his back- leaving me in the lurch. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you. I don't think I am in the wrong too. I am headstrong that way: but it doesn't mean I don't have the objective thoughts to think this way. It was a case of pure bad timing, and lack of communication. An entire lack of discussion of true feelings led me to believe in your nonchalance and lack of commitment- which to date- you still have not thought of. I didn't know how to go about committing to someone and making entire decisions that would stop me from doing what I like when I don't know how I stand in his life... Sure I mean alot to you but does alot mean everything? Does alot mean that I have to do what you would want me to do because I mean alot to you? You mean alot to me too. Does alot mean that I hope you would be able to support me in whatever I choose to do? Does alot mean that I hope you would be able to see things apart from my want to experience something I would never in the future experience? Yes, it does for me. So even if at the end of the day, I do not go for this, I think this brings light to what we want and think for a relationship. I know I am ready to commit: and commitment doesn't mean giving up what is good for you for the relationship. Neither is it not giving up and expecting the other to adhere to your decision plans. It's communicating that commitment in the first place to discuss our viewpoints and talk things out. Thereafter, whatever actions ensue stems from the commitment to let the other know of his or her feelings...