The propensity to hate...

the propensity to hate is innate but needs to be retrained. i have just finished with Blue like Jazz by Donald Miller and I would say that alot of his experiences are very much similar to mine (or should i put it the other way around?)

finally i do understand a few things...

i have this tendency to 'teach others a lesson' through words and actions... don used to do that until he is convinced by another friend that that is withholding the love of Christ from the people whom Christ wants us to love. and my insistence on my views and way of life that may be right is wrong... whether or not another accepts it has nothing to do with how i should love them...

so what if the whole world doesn't share my world view? i shouldn't be tied in and be feeling angry just because i think another brother or sister is 'illogical' when i think logically. i shouldn't be getting pissed at people who are very spiritual. i always think that they 'seem' spiritual... and that's just the tip of the ice berg because after all, i believed that no one was without faults...

but these are spiritual people who are with faults, with a good number of them admitting it and releasing these pasts and presents to God...

am i too proud to accept the grace of God? or too 'logical' and 'independent' to feel that i do not need God to release me or give me a new lease of life?

some of my views are the following...

I tend to think that alot of christians pride themselves for being christians and look upon other religions as of less value, less truth. sure we have our stand on what is right and what is wrong, but people do not listen to what we have to say if all we have to say demeans their views and religion. everyone in church says no, we don't ! we have unconditional love. but is it? if someone comes into church using cuss words and dresses scantily, our love suddenly becomes conditional. words don't mean anything. we are used to thinking that anything associated with cuss words and less clothes than expected is evil. not worth relating to. of not much worth.

and somehow the outside world is seen as evil. as unspiritual. as immoral. i have friends who aren't christians and they sit by me through bad and good times... they're more sincere than some christians i know... (again i am not saying this to demean christians on the whole) just like singaporeans are mostly judged by their academic prowess... church people are judged by christian-like behaviour. so everyone should mind their 'p's and 'q's... and not get worked up even if you're boiling to the brim... because it won't reflect well on you... *please note the sense of sarcasm*

this is precisely why people leave the church at the age when they realise that life is not a bed of roses and not everyone is nice all the time and there are times when you feel hopeless and 'evil' but they are never 'allowed' to show those times of insecurity and 'pissed-off moments' because the church doesn't really know what to do with it.

if you do realise, there is a certain trend in churches nowadays... there is usually a dominant sort of personality who are christians... and the rest feel left out and out of place... i don't know how it would be to settle such issues especially in catering the service and sermons to different categories of people but i believe God's word speaks to people in ways we can never imagine... yet most churches are going for the 'feeling' religion... just feel the love and grace and forget the logic. just have faith.

i tend to think of christianity as a right blend of logic and faith. there are always facts presented to you, and leaves room for faith to work... i cannot 'feel' anything and have 'faith' in someone i don't know much about unless he shows me his person...

to me, faith comes from knowing someone, and in his character you would know what he's like and so you trust that he will do what he said he will... but if you do not even know him, how would you trust him? if i don't read the bible, how will i know him? it's dangerous to hang around someone you don't know at all (like what our parents used to say with regards to relationships when we were younger, and maybe now, still)

don miller put it rightly so when he said that the root of racism is ourselves.

we feel that we are the standard, should be taken as the standard and think of others as different to us and therefore not worthy of mention or rights. it doesn't only extend to racism, it extends to the way we view different categories of people which we made up for easier classification to have prejudice against and not have prejudice against. it's pride. thinking we are right.

i hope i do not sound preachy here or anything. my motive is not to convince you, but to remind myself of how i have failed as a christian and to help me think through things and recap what i have learnt. if in any case it does apply to you as well, i thank God for it... if it offends anyone, i am terribly sorry for it.