can i kill myself?

they called me up for an interview. i had forgotten to check my email this whole week. what the hell. I am so so pissed with myself... so near yet so far.. haiz... God's will... of letting me know I can make it... but it's not his will now... *boo hoo hoo*

it's 6th Feb. when i would be having tons of exams. how to? i ask you? they can't even see how i would react to whatever questions they would ask me...

i feel so crushed... really crushed...