are you taking away my labtop for a reason?

God, why isn't my lab top working? and i feel so helpless yet at peace now... that same feeling i get whenever something is wrong but i have perfect faith that he is in control... ian's completely baffled by the situation now.. lap top is not working and he's been working on it for the umpteenth time... still not working... and he is great at computers...

am still upset (though not seething) at the amount of phone bills i have chalked up unknowingly... haiz... just generally upset.

not even upset that i am not going to north canada next week because of the stuff that i have been going through... just stoned.. you know what i mean?

went for the reunion dinner on friday, then went back sat afternoon, then i generally went back to fix the silly computer... which didn't listen obediently.. and then me and ian went to doctor funk at night till like past mid... then slept at 3am trying to fix the com AGAIN... and still didn't work...

sunday came i woke up at 6am to talk to my parents... told you guys i had this rebellious streak in me and then i got over it once we stopped gripping about it... and i was trying to be hilarious in my descriptions of seattle again...

:)

which made my parents tremendously relieved...

i think and believe sincerely that i am a huge spoilt brat. i make them so affected by what i do and what i say... i do the most incorrigible things and make them upset... why?

i went to church just now and it hits me time and again about how i make things go my way (or rather, try to) and God is this infinite God who allows me to play my own little game and yet it's all part of his entire agenda...

God God... you made me lose my lap top and pay the bills to wake me up... say hey girl, what about me?

just to share a few songs i sang in church... touched me totally...

"Indescribable" by Laura Story

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing your majesty
From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming:

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing, God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck, we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim
You are amazing, God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night?
None can fathom...

Another one to share:

"Why do i do?" Brain Coon

Lonely is my heart when all i do is wander
Campass needle like a wheel
Great is my desire to answer the pesky questions
Why do i do what i don't want to do?

Yet you say you'll never leave me,
Though every step I take is mine
I am longing to be known, hold me in your holy fold
Remind me that it's true: i belong to you

Oh move me rom the ruddy rut to the groovy groove
O lord won't you move me?

Living a double life like a wolf among the faithful
Needing but ignoring much of your mercy
Shunning my sinful self but embracing it in the next moment
Why do i do what i don't want to do?

Sophie in and out in and out...