What about making life count?

Argh. Sleepy and totally not in the mood for work. Definitely. But I can’t help but be really tired after sleeping for only about like a fraction of what people would sleep for the holidays. There are times when you generally sleep too much and it gives you that sleepier feeling… so I shouldn’t complain?

Ya I shouldn’t.

Had the most fantastic dinner and time at his place yesterday. His dad cooked for me and it was so delicious… seems like I have to start being some cooking apprentice or get really uptight in the future about not being able to cook as well... yeeks. Horrid thoughts.

One more week of internship. But theoretically speaking I should be getting all anxious and keep a lookout for whatever I could be doing to reach out to my colleagues. Instead, I end up being the ‘little devil’, praying about scooting off the newsletter which I have no choice but to complete… and have to do well for since it is part of my assessment. Evil me. *Sophie, you should be reaching out- evangelism, remember?*

Dad’s leaving for a business trip tomorrow. Imagine that I am so going to miss him although it won’t be for a month and albeit the little time spent at home for myself… I love my family a lot. It’s weird really… you’d think that my being so little at home would constitute this couldn’t-care-less attitude but it isn’t. This makes for my worries that I might be missing them too much if I do go on exchange.

That reminds me. The postage there for my application cost me dearly. $32.19. Ouch.

I was so hungry after a heavy breakfast that I had snacks and the like. Double ouch.

My newsletter, my epi articles, church practice this week and interview workshop on sat. No chance of practicing on the golf course this time. Unless I drive myself to the range to drive a couple of dozens… triple ouch.

Yup everything can be mundane stuff but what really makes for life to count would be Jesus. There is a God-shaped hole in all of us and only he can fill it… sounds like a song I used to listen to night and day… erm… trying to recall… ya… it’s the forerunners… the band that campus crusade used to have but I don’t know if they’re still at it…

Would be trying to find Jesus in everything that I do. Even when it seems all so secular and the like.

Even in my bidding till three tomorrow afternoon I have found some way to note that God’s in control… or maybe I don’t have other choices to make. *grin*

God... please help me… I’m stuck here with an extremely slow computer that’s threatening to die on me…

And I’m not even at it all the time… but bid it in your time and have your way and purpose…

You know… sometimes I wonder how I am going through what Abraham went through. First God gives me the exchange program thingy… then I have to work things out so that it goes through. All the time wondering if it really would be what it would be…

Then the question comes if I am willing to give it all back to him. If the modules and everything doesn’t go in accordance to plans such that I would have a lot of complications… would that shake my belief that this is for me? The exchange?

Am I willing in the first place to let God have his way and continue to have so, especially when I have received the first part if it and am awaiting the next? Having everything set and in control?

No… I’m not in control. God is. I’m but only a pawn to be moved. Like the flower that easily fades and dies away without nourishment from him. Like the mud that people step on because I’m nothing without him… but I can be clay that can be molded into a vase. Something useful. Something good.

Something beautiful
Something good
All my confusions,
He understood

All I had to offer him
Was brokenness and shame
But he made something
Beautiful in my life

This song just came into my head a few days ago… and the simple tune really ministered to me a lot. Suppose it’s because it requires no terrific musical accomplishments? And one really concentrates on the beauty of the words. A simple faith. The logic of the faith.