unreasonable me.

i don't understand why there are so many times that i have been uptight lately. yet i can be so calm about certain things like losing my handphone... argh. it irks me. i'm being the most unreasonable when it's the time not to be... and i feel that i can be such a b**** at times it should irk the sense out of people around and close to me such that they should be drowning me in heaps of abuse already... what with all the rubbish i have been giving them... caning sounds vaguely reasonable...

yet they love me and forgive me... is it pride then that i do not wish for people to forgive me so quickly such that i think i can earn back the good points i lost with other good deeds? but i'm an evil person with sin... how can I?

i'm overly sarcastic... at others' expense... i take what sounds fun and make it a joke of the day, without so much as considering what might have been better... i'm shortsighted and don't see the huge picture... i jump to conclusions immediately after a subtle thing has been picked up and most of the time the subtle things don't come out quite right... i seem to expect everyone else to have the same understanding as me... similar lingo... having the ability to say exactly what they mean... impose the same standards everywhere... and even more so when the people are closer to me...

basically i argue with them more often because i feel as if they know me better and should understand my actions better... as a result this biased thinking keeps me at bay with others and at war with them consistently... i don't think i shall have a tough time being on my own... i'm pretty much a do-it-all and do-it-yourself sort of person... i only have the time to be cranky when i actually spend more time with them and interact with them more often...

yet i feel that i miss them so much when i don't spend the time with them... and pissed off when we do interact and conflicts arise...

so perhaps having conflicts are a sure sign of real affection...

and pms more often than not in its occurence..

i don't think it's wise of me to keep using that as an excuse and so i shan't... i won't and i will try to change... just need some time to myself to think straight and good... just need some time... to settle back into sanity from insanity and from anger to grace... from over-commitment to commitment... from folly to wisdom... from being defensive to being defenceless...