Pride.

Pride.
An issue I have been struggling with to cope for all of my life.

It gets a lot frustrating when all you’re trying to do is just get that stupid thing out of your life. But I have realized that it is a process which takes time. However I’d rather someone take my ego and stomp so hard on it that it breaks sometimes… *the key word is sometimes* so that my heart can be all and pure for him… some itty gritty detail in my life just seeks to diminish any good that can come out my commitment to want to surrender to him my all.

A lot of people cannot take giving everything for a goal in life. Giving a little hurts a lot sometimes already… let alone giving all of it. To a finance person, it would possibly be viewed as investing in an investment that’s not promising any tangible premiums (according to the world) and the interest can be on the high side of negatives… it’s no logical investment. Yet the Lord requires of us to buy this stake. Have a share in all. Give your all for this stake and see him at work in our lives.

Giving up the chance to actually have everything to be proud of. Things to be accomplished in your time. What sacrifice! Being the carpet, the floor on which people stomp and stand on… the tarmac. Burnt and cracked. Ludicrous an idea to give it all up for Jesus huh?

But I’m bought at a price I can never repay. I have sight that I shouldn’t be having. I have legs and a body to move around in sports and in everyday living. I live like a normal being. I can think like a normal being (though I choose not to). I have life when I should have been dead 12 years ago. I have wonderful parents to love and to hold. I have siblings I love so much and still am trying to improve relations with. (it’s been getting better in recent months and years). J

My pride only seeks to remove me from the knowledge of all these blessings and gripe and complain all the time. Have negative thoughts and an inconceivable motive in life- to remove God to accomplish what I want to do in MY timing… and space.

Right. Like I own time. Or space. Or ideologies. Or my body.

The one thing I used to be so proud of: the one thing that threatens to get me unsettled with Jesus.

The one thing that I used to be so proud of: the one thing that’s going to remove me from all the blessings that he has prepared for me.

I don’t dare to. God give me wisdom. I don’t think smart many a time.