it seems that after the storm comes the not-so-calm

after the storm, a better understanding is found. after trials, there you find true conviction. after talking so much, i've yet to find any saving point in my speech... yet because of polished though pointless speeches i'm able to weasel my way out of and into things... you get the idea. it's rubbish put forth in the most dynamic way possible.

and sometimes i wished i had shut up more.

yet i feel so unvindicated of biased thoughts that i can't help but put forth myself in the most domineering way possible... (not talking about you, dear :))

seems like everytime i wish to 'prove' myself i realise there is nothing for me to be proud about... perhaps it's an answer to my prayers... that i would have nothing to boast of except in Christ Jesus... and God's teaching me his ways.... in bite-size portions... for i do not know yet if i am capable of handling successes right now... i might just bite off the whole chunk of praises and direct it to myself and leave nothing for the Lord when everything is done through him and in him...

i know this might sound like i'm trying too hard... perhaps some might tell me:"but you have achieved quite a lot what!" honestly.... it's really nothing.... what i have achieved... look at it in the percentage profit sense... given much, i have produced less than required... i have not made a break even for that matter... i have not maximised my time and effort and thoughts on him and for him... i have held back on alot due to my own 'agendas'...

and i know that nothing is required except my utmost for his highest glory.

I must have the attitude of doing it to the 'most', 'best' and the 'highest'... overdo it... give 101%, not just 100%

and learn to be led both by godly men and women, and the holy spirit...

on a more rubbishy note... this week has been termed eating week... had two all-i-can-eats... and more really unhealthy food which i am ashamed to let my mom know about... yeeks! but i love eating... to the core... can you blame me on that? :)

I feel like baking chocolate banana muffins... hmmm.... *wink*