if doing the good things...

if doing the good things ends up with me being less vindicated, less understood, imagine what doing the wrong things would do to me! (will probably be more hot soup then!)

I'm not backing down from doing the right things... I realised how important it is to show one's vulnerability, show one's true weaknesses and be real. Not that i wasn't real at all, but being a task oriented and independent girl i tend to forget about my feelings and emotions more often than not... Coming to the surrender and admitting of mistakes... (or should it be the other way around?)

And now i hope that the cell group doesn't stay this way that which i once lead in this way so anymore... i am asking for forgiveness and hoping that we would all eventually come to this stage of true and real fellowship, real sisterhood... real relationshiops... i want to change my approach... sure i need lots more feedback and correction... more surrender... but something's pushing me and egging me on... :)

am trying to look from the outside looking in... but it's tough... i've been used to being a prideful, conceited girl...

opening up is risky... but the returns are high as well... am i willing to take this risk? suddenly i am less risk averse... less diplomatic... less rationale... is this all a bad thing? perhaps if it were me before, this would all seem wrong... but it's not. :)