so much i want to say yet i say it to no one...

and it's all about balance.. but how to find it and when? just when i heard of some news today.... of results and relationships and the like... about careers and cars and richess... i was pretty immune... and rightfully so... i cannot seek and hanker after the world when i have him in my heart already... it's almost like having that something in my heart and it won't make way for anyone else because it's so taking-over and i refused to let be as well... :)

and that's for that... it's amazing how much a month can change someone... i think i've thoroughly changed... not that i am no longer the person i used to be... not that i am half the quick-paced person i used to be.... not that i'm slower to react... not that i choose the tougher way out of things when i actually can do it the other way... i just want to see my life a little more after God each day... myself exuding a little more of his characteristics... a little more of his glory and will shown in my life each day... a renewal of life... thought-processes... not thinking about what there is in the world...

and i felt a peace in knowing a few more things in my life... about my friends... yet i know a peace about not knowing about things in my life as well.. don't ask me how... and why... sometimes the most irrational thing is the right thing... and the most incomprehensible things... the right thing as well...the most ridiculous reasoning, the right one...

in fact, there's so much to take in... there's never a 'right'.... how would you account for the world?

the phrase "resting in his strength alone" never hit me so hard until today... not during the most peaceful times nor the most hectic times... but during the resting periods.... resting in him... in his perfect peace... i see providence everyday... in fact i'm superbly impressed how he used one of my brothers-in-christ who wanted to teach to be a banker for his glory... and it came to my knowledge at the right time... in the right place...

things happen in this world seemingly at an uncontrollable pace... in absurd sequences... in haphazard ways... but yet i meet so many people in inconceivable manners and bump into responsibilities and happenings which i know now to turn into opportunities... seems he wants more of me in my weaker areas... things i've never done nor experienced before... but things i'm so darn scared to approach... yet he pacifies and equips and encourages...

my mom went back to her old working place to run some errands... and she got the same thoughts as i did... same basic thoughts of... "u mean i gave up my career for all these?"

i love my family so much... i really do... i love my friends alot too, more than i say so myself... or show so... i love God alot... and never really realised it until i had choices to make... not in the huge things but the small... and seemingly insignificant... how God uses u... you never dictate... you merely know it's the best plan yet.. and you should look forward to it! :)