i pretty much resent...

my lack of want for wisdom in many areas of my life... although right now it's probably certain areas that are catching my attention... and it isn't easy to change mindsets and the like.. but i know i have to... no one improves from having an easy time and non-adaptations...

sometimes i'm put in situations i don't know what to make of... and certainly know not how to act... it seems the flesh is telling me something and the spirit another... yet when the spirit tells... you have to somehow find a way to just obey, whether or not you're certain the words have been planted in your mind and mouth to speak when needed and the heart to know what to act out...

and so i can get rather confused... of course i know what to do... but i don't know how to do it... i can only pray for the dependence on the spirit and his giving me more than what i need to face my everyday...

and my not knowing how to do things translates to my procrastination... and that contradicts my values seemingly and his character... which, it turns out to be one huge mess really... and my life gets more complicated than simple because of this simple thing... and i resent my lack of action... but who can blame me? i'm trying very hard not to act on impulse and to pray before every action... that takes time...

haiz... whatever it is... he leads.. he guides... my time is his... i choose to choose his choices for my life... because i know they'll lead me to the way everlasting... :)