CFA

so many things on my mind. CFA. more exchanges to HK and China during the hols. worried about actually bumming around when I am back. Being 'real' yet balancing properly cause I don't want to make people affected by what I am and what I feel. Everything has its consequences. that I couldn't get the internships i want. that i didn't know of so many things in america and so i studied hard and people said i should be bumming more and be less stressed because they mistake my whining to be stress to the point of dying. and now they're saying study because i have been slacking. i don't want people to affect how i feel. i want to stay guarded and prim and proper. but it's something i shouldn't do because it is important to be in the community and share and be myself. but if being myself contradicts everything that is within the community, it's rather hard to learn and unlearn. and then after i have decided people should affect my lives, i feel too affected. then when i feel they shouldn't, people get upset that i am unfeeling. why don't you guys go find a standard somewhere and get it back to me? i am sophie. don't tear me to pieces with your illogical beliefs and ideas. let me learn, show me, and don't accuse me. i pick things up fast. and if it matters to you, i will change. i am not robotic. just a little less on the feeling side. more logical. not that i don't have feelings. i am just a little slow with feelings and too quick to show my logical side. i know personality tests are generalisations, but you got to know that by far, I am always (always) somehow differing from the rest of the women in whatever test I do. i would be totally swaying the standards. and you know what? I am happy to be me. cause it works for me. it's me. i shouldn't be changing into who i am not.