they say...

they say you will never truly know a person's mind and character until you put that one person into hot water and he or she starts to exude the aroma character... or rather, in my case, the lack of it.

yet i really thank God for the people whom he has placed so strategically in my life... whether or not they would be with me forever, i have yet to see and know... most of them have such strong characters that honestly, i feel ashamed i'm me.

Godly, compassionate, forgiving, always seeking the good in others, committed... etc... the list goes on... but sometimes i wonder if i'm worth God's trying to rework alot of things in me... of course the tys answer would be that he would and he will... and i know he would and will... but how?

how much is too much and how much would mean imposing on being the person that God has called me to become? how much would mean i have to change to become more and more like someone else? rather than me?

family pressure is good, when it spurs you on... but sometimes it's the very thing that causes you to rethink and reconsider... feel affectedly uncertain and shakened. and sometimes a series of events would occur to make you feel so much of your cruel and naked self that you're afraid to face it. afraid to undo it. afraid to do anything. because it might mean wrong choices, inconveniences, a whole life time of guilt and a whole life time of regrets...

God, what should i do that's in order with your will? what shall i do to gain the wisdom i need? what shall i do to make the right choices?

shall i focus entirely on you and not have a care for the world? ( for now) or shall i strike a balance? or shall i make haste decisions and try to applease? and i might regret later in the future...

God, i have been stupid before not to consider many things.. let me not fall into it again...