terrified, mortified, absolutely stupified...

just had some time to watch the dvd- a movie on the great John Nash... "A Beautiful Mind" It made me think some about why some people seem to love it so much yet cannot but misunderstand the concepts behind the ideas of John Nash. Having heard alot about it myself, I was determined to find out, and understand the contexts behind it... Schizophrenic people tend to be brilliant and I tend to lean towards that idea that perhaps it happens because many brilliant people tend to be looked down upon for their inability to act 'right' in front of others... and as well as wrongly 'looked-down-upon' for their brilliance... they work all the time not because of their inability to resist workaholism but because of their ability to work... agreed? some of us cannot stand the sight of work and some of us do. But let us not mistake being able to work as using work as a solution to impending problems or a way to get out of society's scrutiny... for those who can work, work... for those who work for other reasons other than loving your work... go soak your head...

and love as such so great exists... I'm amazed... for John Nash's wife Alicia... it must have been a heck of years of constant madness-driven living... the baby, the husband... whom she married for love and chose to take care of for love... drove me to reconsider love, really... true, it's something that can never be subjected to equations but something that's believable and causes people to think illogically... although naturally... and yes, it's true, that no matter your oddities... there's someone out there who loves you and God has provided that someone for a special you... like John Nash... for Alicia Nash.

simple... and I shan't say more...

the past week has been draining.... emotionally and physically albeit the lack of real physical activities... outings aplenty... coffee flows and eating sprees... took the entire 'life' out of me... I hope to reduce those... not because of fear of getting fat... but fear of what it does to me... I may or may not be schizophrenic... and everyone wouldn't know about themselves as well... after all, who knows your deepest, darkest secrets and the inclinations of your hearts within? so I wouldn't know if I'm reacting to anything in my life... unless a sane person comes my way... devoid of the world... for the world is insane... and no one in it can be sane... theoratically... somehow the exposure to insanity has polluted the purity of sanity...

God, help me...