Bewildered.

Or more plainly- stoned. I guess that not having enough sleep, having just recovered from some bout of illness and a little too much food and fun just about had me tied to my seat a little bewildered. I sit there and wonder how my boss and colleagues can be partying for eons and at their age still feel completely (almost) fine after being smashed to some sorts... bottles were doing down like candies for children after some hard archery in which I think I have some game... and the food was so good I just had to have meat although my blood type suits the almost vegetarian diet...

Basically - my company had a small event. I organized the archery event and my manager organized the dinner and boss the drinks of course... i believe we went way over budget on that one including cab fares and all but I ain't complaining :p and yes- I had cranberry juice if that is of any informational importance...

I suppose I am starting to understand a consultant's life a little better now... you party so much because you're always away from home. Because you travel so much you hardly have time to build a lasting relationship and have one unless you haven't lost that one before you started. You come smashed to the office and are expected to pick up s*** from yesterday (quote unquote from my boss) and you pretty much never have much chance with the clients because it conflicts with company or business policies...

so that reduces your time to almost nothingness- really. And your few colleagues and friends come and go as they are like you- consultants hopping from one project to another just as the boss pleases and plans. You have friends all over the globe whom you hope to meet another time if and when you go back to that country where you last met them. You really hope to find good people in this sense for friends- because you hardly have any really good ones... apart from some kind clients...

oh well maybe I am being too cynical. But I look at some of my colleagues and tell myself- whilst the lure of traveling and high-flying seems so good- it isn't really. I am not about to reduce myself to a career-minded-nothing-else-matters woman for sure. My emptiness can be taken over by careful meditation on God's work and will for my life- however directionless it sometimes may seem... and upgrading of my skills! I haven't so much as touched my CFA AT ALL... It is a good thing I can have at least 2-3 solid hours of studying when I am overseas... if I don't go out with my colleagues... and sans the exercise...

Time and tide wait for no man- but if I refused to be subjected to the pressures of time... I guess I can be unafraid of most things...

Yes yes that is my optimistic side showing... I know I never want to give up- and my friends and family would be shocked if I ever do. That is not my style. I'd like to say that I serve agression with disgression :)

on a side note- being a mom in singapore is starting to become so attractive- even my male colleagues want to conceive. I am starting to see Singapore as a good place to bring up children (maybe in the american international schools though) *chuckle* nah... they'll hopefully be so brilliant they'll be wanting more from the educational system than it can provide :p