Feel so deranged now... *argh*

I have just ended the 'other' interview.. the one which my other company would probably like to have me not be chosen. I had wanted to let God take over- but I inevitably- through my own selfish and conceited human nature want things my way. I hope they don't, really. After all that I have gone through in decision making keeping in mind that I know there is no means of success except what God allows me, I think it'll be unwise to do otherwise.

And ironically every time I humble myself to understand this in the midst of my nitpicking of my current situations... he shows me the way. And sends unexpected people along my way to remind me of what I had come to terms with with God right at the beginning when I first committed my life into His hands...

And now I feel deranged, PMS-ed probably, and having the wonderful people in my life suffer for it. My best friend says I am abandoning him, my boyfriend says that I am being unreasonable and a little insane...

I don't feel good, I feel like puking every now and then- brian jokes that I might have the "immaculate conception" (that's so like him) but I think that I am probably thinking way and far too much about things to get my body to rest properly... Joseph just thinks I worry too much and shouldn't- which is true.